All in my head....

No, I haven't been listening to any edgy music, or watch a serious documentry recently to spark up the words:

Maybe its not such a bad thing to question what i can imagine and what is really real.

For example, the other day I said something and Jellybean replied, that I am not crazy, that I'm just pretending. Assuming then that i might have said i was crazy.

                  But that got me thinking.. 

"Who am I? Why do I do the things , or say the things i say? Am I really just pretending?"

But how do I know?

How does anyone know if they're "pretending."

But that's the point though, is'nt it? To not be the odd one out, to fit in..  But lately everyone wants to be different, to be unique. But it doesnt change a thing, because then people are still trying to fit in by keeping to the trends.

I cant believe how much time has passed... An entire year, and i have nothing to show for it except 3 grey hairs and pruning skin.. 

But I am still happy, still content...

                                                                                                                                                          

Can I keep you?

What I really think

So I do agree, that you should be honest to people and tell them what you really think, but if you don't tell them, that means you can tolerate it and that means you cant nag about it either!

But sometimes, its too hurtful to mention, and this person means the world to you. So the love you share  ( and yes friends do love each other!) is strong enough to over look that as well..

what gets to me is if you fight, all the things you over looked - all the things you let slip by just get thrown at each other... what is the logic of that?

I don't know why we put up with people when eventually all they do is hurt you, personally i cannot take that type of emotional strain - and why i choose my friends so carefully - people who are not as insecure as i am and use their positivity to my advantage.
            I use it to boost myself, so that i don't seem as shy and soft as i can be..
I don't try and find fault with people and if they have things that bug me - if i want them in my life i will not let it bug me and last but not lesser in importance, i do not throw the past back at you!

If you really forgave some one for something, you would really forget!
                  For example:
My friend Sune mentioned that we had fought at one stage - but i swear i do not remember fighting with her about anything!! So i forgave and forgot, but she remembered so that then means she has not forgiven, so she wont forget, and that reminds me i have to help her forget it!!

And to those who have pushed me out of their lives because i finally closed a door that was only letting the snow in just shows me that they weren't real, they just tolerated me because they maybe felt obliged to, i do not mind still talking to you! Or walking into you! or if we happen to be at the same venue! I wont be the guilty one, you kicked me out of your life, don't come crawling back! i don't usually have an issue with someone - i would just ignore you if i did, i wouldn't try to put you in my life! And try to keep you there! but i wont force you to stay!

emotions and my day :) #4

this is one topic that can take forever to talk about...

So many things we do and say spark up emotiongs, sometimes so many at once you feel overwhelmed..

Lately my friends, are just bleh, i mean best girl friends... i feel so alone and used but when eventually they talk to me - i feel okay again.. But its not really fair on me? I expect them to do things for me like I do for them..

I know I am sometimes busy when they talk to me but wow - when they say "Lets go do this" or something, I do it with them!

People like messing around with peoples feelings..

I suppose that sometimes to learn we must feel, but not for get the lesson... I'd rather be alone than in misery.

Got an e-mail yesterday..

Got an interview on saturday to start my prep

to work on the ships..

I'm very nervous

- stressed

 - practically hysterical...

 I'm excited too..

Its all just happening fast though..

But I can not miss this oppourtunity..

I'm going to go and do my best and them with hopes I will get a ship..

I figured I'm young and this will be my chance to see the world meet some new friends and  become a bit more independent... What better way to start - than  here?

So yesterday i got my ITech Deploma, now i have that and my City & Guilds Diploma.. All now - i want to do my Placecol Diploma as well.. and some crash courses... And my learners and licence.. so much i want to do, but what would be done hey...

 I'll just take each day as it comes - or else get a mental break down      
            O_o

         

#3 tissues for the issues

                                                  ISSUES

We all have them! its definately one thing that no one can deny....

I have never likes insects and their creepy crawly ways, or if someone didnt wash their hands after brushing a hand through their hair and touching something i want to eat.

 
But I think my biggest issue, is recieving a     *** complement ***

Sure, who is allowed to judge you, who may say if its GoOd and who can say if its bAd. What should you look like and not..
  
how do we really know...

 And besides if how you look without modifictions is this GoOd we speak of or this the bAd thats mentoned.  Then clearly we dont know, because we all go through with modifications, even if only make-up..

I recieve  *** complements *** daily. I thank whoever said it but I realized that I never meant it. I feel bad about that though...

I think I will start welcoming them with open arms. I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, i know that I'm a useful tool that is used for when a problem occurs.

                                                                   *USE ME*

I'm sure there is a song that has the words use me in it, I'm also sure that is a beautiful one...

Wanted to sleep all day, but work is restricting. My cats were following me about all morning and i felt so bad when i left that i tucked them all in under my duvet - they al sat up and with sleepy eyes stared at me when i left as if to say ""why are you leaving mommy"

                                                                        IT broke my heart!

Dont know how empty my life would be with out all of them, because they are so precious to me...
 Just like my friends and family, I love you guys to bits. I'm so glad that I had the honor of knowing and being allowed to love so many amazing poeple.
I just saw what I did there, its so easy for me to give  a complement, but heck, I wont take one easily :P

honestly... I dont really know anymore... I cant think of answers anymore.. I just dont know.. 

  

#2...an attempt - it just feels futile...

Posting blogs that poeple would actually want to read - hard. Unless, maybe, you're lucky enough to have been shown on tv and the whole world is trying to keep up with you.

No. I'm just a "plain Jane" the ordanary girl next door, doing ordenary things every single day.
The person who annonomously donates, who tips her bread crums for the birds, and gets lost in fantasy books of vampires, werewolf and maic.

To be something of importance in someones eyes, you have to be someone.
Say your say!
but its not that simple is it?
we tend to not be honest, not speak our minds, not do what we should have in the first place.

As quoted by a friend who quoted from a song:

The lyrics to Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen, by Mary Schmich:
Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.


Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.


Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Stretch.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.


Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.


Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.


Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.


Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Travel.


Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.


Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.


Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.



But trust me on the sunscreen.


Youtube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ








 Even if you try and try and try and you are tired nothing seems to be coming out of it
   
                                            There is!

the small changes that occur when you attempt things are what make the biggest difference, i admit that i necer realized it because i was always looking for the biggest picture...

                                      ...Never give up and nevcer stop trying...

MY THOUGHTS ARE MY LIFE

Well, with out thought, what? what goes on in one's mind is what left the past and is creating the future.
                                  therefore, my thoughts are my life.

With these thoughts, they are the actions that we do.
The echo of our own voices in our minds hat tell us what we think we should do.

**** think before you act ****